The Unexpected Joy of Being Single

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Catherine adds: “The negative bias is really strong in your relationships as well. One study showed that we need five positive experiences in a relationship to outweigh one negative experience. So, bear that in mind. If you have a big argument, try and make the next day a bit better.” Celebrate your ‘done’ lists You don’t have to be single to enjoy this book – the techniques Gray suggests to help self-soothe are useful for anxiety. And for those in a relationship, it raises important questions about co-dependency and who you are as an individual. It is comforting to have someone rationalise your most irrational thoughts, the weird hypothetical situations you create in your head before actually meeting someone, and those intense digital connections which fray rapidly in real life. Many people are under the impression that being single is some unfortunate thing that happens to us, but what if it’s a conscious choice we make? This memoir from a 40-year old single woman will resonate with people of all ages. This is the perfect read for independent women who love their own lives and don’t feel the overwhelming need to couple up. A date seem to always end up in sex but as it was just a date and sex it doesn’t seem to count and the author still considers themselves to be single. So sleeping around is ok..kinda.. when you feel like it. Maybe that’s one of the joys of being single?

I liked how we see Catherine's transformation and the advise she offers in changing your own mind set and using other tools as a coping mechanism for dealing with life. It's well-written, witty, honest, and an excellent book to dip in and out of. Funnily enough since my last review in 2019, and partly due to reading her book, I've really changed my perspective on being single and really do enjoy living a single life. Catherine Gray quotes from Jennifer Taitz's: "How to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate ( https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...) :- "At any moment, we can choose a new action, and create new patterns of behaviour that link to our hopes. Our past doesn't need to dictate our future". Cue: single anxiety. Love addiction. Spending hours scrolling through dating apps. Being inconsolable when he/she doesn't text. Humming 'Here Comes the Bride' when they do. Shout out to her mum and step dad as it showed having the family support is a huge factor in recovery.

More clips from Jennifer Pike, Changes to 'Red Books', the Unexpected Joy of Being Single

How being single is often seen as a ‘waiting existence’. That is, waiting to find ‘the one’ and why it’s now a misguided idea. Having a secret single freak-out? Feeling the red, heart-shaped urgency intensify as the years roll on by? Oh hi! You’re in the right place.

single anxiety. Love addiction. Spending hours scrolling through dating apps. Being inconsolable when he/she doesn't text. Humming 'Here Comes the Bride' when they do. Catherine Gray went through all of this. And then some. She took a whole year off dating to get her love-hooked head straight. How do we chill our boots about our single status? Detach from 'all the good ones are gone!' panic? And de-programme from urgent, red, heart-shaped societal pressure to find your 'other half * '? We know intellectually that single is far preferable to panic-settling, yet we forget that almost constantly. Why? Psychologists and neuroscientists tell us? Let's start the reverse-brainwash and locate our happily-single sanity, for good. Are you in? The first part of the book tells Catherine Gray's own story - of her gradual slip into alcoholism, from teenage drinking through parties at the various women's magazines she worked on to habituating night-clubs (solely because that's where you can drink late) to hiding at home with cans of cider. And then of her various attempts at quitting (ending, finally, in success).

Debunking the marriage-means-life-made myth

Catherine Gray quotes from Alain de Bouton: "Only once singlehood has completely equal prestige with its alternative (coupledom), can we be sure that people can be free in their choices." My alcohol dependence and my love addiction prop each other up, like a smashed people trying to walk home from a party. My drinking enables me to secure boyfriends, and when it falls apart, my drinking is there to console me, or to catapult me on to the next conquest. This book is a reminder that life can be pretty shit, but it can also be pretty great as well if we’re willing to look at things differently. If you’ve felt like your life is complete chaos (particularly after a break-up), then this book is an excellent reminder that everyone has uphill battles to face. Sometimes it helps to know you’re not going through it alone, and as cheesy as it sounds — things will get better. Alcohol is something I've always been extra wary of (growing up with an alcoholic parent will do that) but even I found myself nodding along at parts. I reduced my own intake only when I began to have my children - I dread to think about how my life could have gone had I continued to drink the way I did when I was 18/19. This definitely made me examine my own relationship with alcohol and how/why/when I use it. There is very little in this book about the joy of being single. The story is more about the authors coming to terms with her poor decision making due to over 2 decades of bad decisions fuelled by alcohol.

It was also fun reading a book by a writer who is the exact same age as me; I was loving all the cultural references which I could so relate to.

Make yourself a ‘happiness list’

This book is alright. She made some good points and I’m glad she put in scientific, marketing, societal and health information. It really helps her readers get a grasp on how alcohol affects us in multiple fields of just living life. In the quest to find out more about the author, Catherine Gray and her book, we came across a podcast where she speaks with Eric Zimmer at The One You Feed. We learn Catherine lives alone in a one bedroom apartment in Brighton. In this podcast, she talks about The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single and what it has been like to be single for many years. The ups and downs, her own personal journey and the misconceptions of others surrounding single life. The podcast gives us a taste of what to expect from the book which is also available in audio, narrated by Catherine herself. In 2018, the author Catherine Gray published a book about how her search for happiness had led her to take a year off dating. And what did she call it? The Unexpected Joy of Being Single.