Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love that Heals Fear and Shame

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We practice Radical Acceptance by pausing and then meeting whatever is happening inside us with this kind of unconditional friendliness. Instead of turning our jealous thoughts or angry feelings into the enemy, we pay attention in a way that enables us to recognize and touch an experience with care. Nothing is wrong—whatever is happening is just ‘real life.’ Such unconditional friendliness is the spirit of Radical Acceptance.” pg. 75 Both aspects are needed for Radical Acceptance. Either one on its own will create an unbalanced and harmful mindset.

This course was previously offered on Udemy. If you have taken this course on Udemy and don’t want to take it again, please explore some of the other courses here. The renowned seventh-century Zen master Seng-tsan taught that true freedom is being ‘without anxiety about imperfection.’ This means accepting our human existence and all of life as it is. Imperfection is not our personal problem—it is a natural part of existing. We all get caught in wants and fears, we all act unconsciously, we all get diseased and deteriorate. When we relax about imperfection, we no longer lose our life moments in the pursuit of being different and in the fear of what is wrong.” pg. 21 Accepting a situation does not mean that it has your approval or that you necessarily found it “acceptable” for your life. When we encounter desire in any form—whether it’s desire for food, companionship, a new gadget, or anything else—we should meet it without resistance and without letting it possess us. We should meet desire with mindfulness; in other words, with Radical Acceptance. In doing so, we’ll find that we can experience desire but live freely in spite of it. The RAIN of Self-Compassion includes the steps of RAIN, as well as some translations to other languages.Western culture typically entrenches fears of inadequacy, and feelings of belonging don't come naturally. Although we have family and community bonds, many of us feel like we can't make mistakes freely, and that we're alone in dealing with things. Standards dictate that we need to compete, and if we fall short of an expectation, then we're failures. While high standards aren't always bad, the message that we're inferior if we fall short is incredibly damaging. When we put down ideas of what life should be like, we are free to wholeheartedly say yes to our life as it is.” pg. 86 There is only one world, the world pressing against you at this minute. There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute here and now. The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.” pg. 45

Decenter yourself. Not everything that happens is a reflection of you or your perceived flaws. Whatever’s going on at any given moment, remember that it’s not about you; it just is what it is. That’s the key to Radical Acceptance. Accepting Things as They Are Reconnecting with the essential goodness in ourselves and others is one of the primary goals of radical acceptance. What if we could not take pain so personally and accept that we all feel pain, and wish to be free of it? What if we could recognize and have compassion for others? In Conclusion We can’t have one without the other. Recognition without compassion means that we’ll be left noticing what’s happening, but without the tools to cope with it. And, if we just see everything through the lens of compassion, rather than self-reproach, we might tip too far into self-pity.

Talks, Meditations and Resources to guide you:

This chapter begins much like the last one. This time we discuss the emotion of fear—why we experience it, why it’s necessary, and how to avoid becoming overwhelmed by it. The wing of compassion is when we make space for our pain. Imagine yourself talking to a friend in distress. Most of the time, we're not looking to pass judgment or make any change; we're simply curious, looking for insight, and trying to show compassion. There’s a common misconception that Buddhism is anti-pleasure and anti-desire. People can come away with the impression that they’re not supposed to want things, or to pursue those wants. In fact, Buddha’s teachings were never about eliminating or ignoring desire. As with all of our experiences, Buddha merely urges us not to be ruled by it. As always, Radical Acceptance is the key to meeting the experience of fear without getting swept away in it; however, we must also recognize that sometimes fear is too extreme to face alone. Therefore, this chapter also begins discussing the importance of community in our spiritual practice. What Fear Really Is

I found myself praying: ‘May I love and accept myself just as I am.’ I began to feel as if I were gently cradling myself. Every wave of life moving through me belonged and was acceptable. Even the voice of fear, the one that told me ‘something is wrong with me,’ was acceptable and could not taint this deep and genuine caring.” pg. 35 How do we cope with unbearable pain? We drink, we eat, we smoke. We turn to our iPhones or our Facebook feeds or our video games. We lash out at ourselves or others. But what if instead of searching for external solutions, we learned how to cope with our pain - just by being with it? In her book Radical Acceptance, clinical psychologist and teacher of meditation Tara Brach urges us to do just that: accept ourselves and our pain, so we can treat ourselves with the care and kindness we deserve.Thoughts of unworthiness also create feelings of isolation. When we don’t think that we’re good enough, we assume that others think the same thing. We find it hard to trust people who offer us love, friendship, or even simple encouragement. Letting Go of Perfection I'm also on a somewhat hippy-dippy "journey" in general to reshape/revitalize my spirituality which I thought had been permanently killed and buried, and which I'm really enjoying being able to connect with in new ways. And reading about different spiritual experiences people have with these meditation techniques, and feeling the familiarity of it all from when I used to pray on my knees to Jesus, really reawakened a desire to use that part of myself.

Instead of feeling proud of yourself for overcoming challenges, you might resent how the day fell apart. You could even feel sad that you were met with so much misfortune, despite your best efforts.Feelings of inadequacy and not being "good enough" are commonplace. We've all heard the saying that the harshest critic is often ourselves, and this couldn't be more true. We've been led to believe that perfection is a standard that we can all achieve, and we have ideas about our ideal selves. Wouldn't it be liberating to shed all of this pressure and just live in the moment? I particularly appreciated the chapter on how to accept fear and the accompanying meditation guide for how to work through fear to a place of acceptance and power. It is a skill set I need to develop in a bad way before I go through childbirth in a few months. :) By looking towards Buddhism, we can reframe our feelings of being naturally sinful and flawed, and embrace being naturally loving and wise. Buddhism teaches that imperfection is an inescapable part of existence. It's much better just to accept ourselves as we are, rather than to chase some impossible dream of how we should be. We can also apply this to the expectations we place on others, and on how we believe life should be. These feelings drive us to all kinds of self-destructive behavior, most notably addiction in all its various forms. Whether it’s to drugs, sex, work—an addiction that is, unfortunately, applauded by Western culture—or something else, addiction is often an attempt to escape the feelings of worthlessness. I think the perceptions of this book are directly related to the suffering and innate self hatred that the reader possesses. When the concept of lovingkindness is absolutely foreign to you then this book can save your life.